Growing at Work
The hardest team to manage is the one that knew you as a colleague
Overnight you are responsible for people you shared lunches, complaints and deadlines with. Some may have wanted the role. Some may now be uncertain how to speak to you. This session looks at how to acknowledge the change, keep the relationships that matter, and stay fair, without becoming distant or pretending nothing has changed.
Explore this page6 sections
Everything the team knows about you now works for and against you.
People who knew you as a peer know your strengths, your habits and sometimes your weaknesses. Some will back you quickly. Some will test the new arrangement, and some will quietly resent it. None of this is unusual, and none of it means you were wrongly chosen.
What makes it hard is that the usual advice, be firm, be friendly, be fair, pulls in different directions. The session offers specific ways to hold them together, and is honest that some friendships will change, as a consequence of the role and not of anything you did wrong.
What the session covers
29 topics across 6 areas. Six parts, from the first conversation to the harder ones. 5 apply to almost any business; the rest only in a particular case.
Acknowledging the ChangeSaying it is better than pretending it is not there.5
- A short conversation with each person, not an announcement to all
- Saying what you hope will stay the same
- Saying honestly what will change
- Asking what each person needs from you
- Giving it a few weeks before judging how it is going
Friendships and BoundariesCloseness and authority can coexist, with care.5
- Which friendships you can keep as they were
- Socialising, drinks and office gossip
- What you can no longer share about the team or the company
- Why being close to some people can look like favouritism
- Keeping a friend and a report separate
The Colleague Who Wanted Your RoleResentment is understandable. It can still be managed.5
- Talking to them directly rather than around it
- Recognising what they bring to the team
- Giving them real responsibility rather than a consolation
- Not asking them to pretend to be pleased
- What to do if the resentment turns into undermining
Feedback to Someone Who Knew You BeforeThe first hard conversation sets the tone.5
- Why it feels harder, and why it is still necessary
- Starting with the shared goal
- Describing the work, not the person
- Not apologising for having standards
- Following up so it does not feel like a one-off
Fairness You Can Be Seen to PractiseSmall, repeated, visible habits.5
- The same standard for everyone, including friends
- Explaining decisions, not just announcing them
- Sharing the good work and the credit
- Not discussing one person with another
- Admitting when you got something wrong
When It Is Not WorkingIf it appliesSigns that more than adjustment is needed.4
Talk to your own manager or HR early, before it hardens. Complaints about harassment must go through the company's formal process, and under the POSH Act through the Internal Committee, or the Local Committee in the district if the workplace is too small to have one. Do not try to settle them informally.
- Persistent refusal to accept your decisions
- Gossip or undermining that affects the team
- Complaints about you that you cannot resolve in conversation
- Any allegation of harassment, discrimination or bullying
Questions to ask yourself
- Am I treating a friend differently from others, in either direction?
- Have I spoken to everyone one-to-one since the change?
- Is anybody avoiding me, and have I asked why?
- What would the team say about my fairness?
- Who do I talk to about this role?
What this session is not
- Not a guide to winning over everybody
- Not advice on a specific dispute
- Not HR or legal advice
- Not a place to discuss named colleagues
- Not a rule that friendships must end
How the session runs
An experienced manager describes the common patterns when a colleague becomes a manager, then participants work in small groups on short, anonymised situations: a friend who is slipping, a peer who wanted the role, a first piece of difficult feedback. Each person drafts the opening of one conversation they need to have. Nobody is asked to identify real colleagues or employers.
What your students leave with
- A way to open the first conversation with former peers, one by one
- Clarity on what changes about friendships and what does not
- A plan for the colleague who also wanted the role
- A way to give feedback to someone who knew you before the promotion
- Habits that show fairness to the whole team
- Knowing when to escalate rather than handle a situation alone
Scheduled sessions
Nothing scheduled yet
Sessions are arranged with a college once a date is agreed. Ask us and we will find the right person for it.
A student rather than a college? See what is coming up, or ask your placement team to host this.
You do not have to lose the relationship to do the job. You do have to change how you hold it.
Tell us who your students are and what stage they are at. Sessions are free for participants.